


Falling Awake

by almostblue (fictionalaspect)



Series: B.A.P short fics [9]
Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: Breathplay, Consensual Kink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-25
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 15:10:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/980374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalaspect/pseuds/almostblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trick is to keep going, Youngjae thinks, as he places his fingers just below Daehyun's jawline. The trick is not to pull away, even when it seems like you have to. When he feels the frantic pulse of Daehyun's heart underneath his thumb and knows, with utter certainty, how long Daehyun has left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Awake

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I am writing a drabble series about breathplay. I did not mean to do this, but HERE IT IS? It came from a prompt and it just...kept going...and um there's more on the way...It just got too long for ask.fm ahahaha /o\ This is for Hyun <3
> 
> (My ask.fm is at http://ask.fm/shutuphimchan - feel free to stop by and ask me questions or leave me prompts! :D I can't promise I'll fill every single one, but I'll definitely try :D)
> 
> As always, thank you to roebling for everything, up to and including reading this over for mistakes <3

I. 

Their game is dangerous. Not only because of what they're doing--and Youngjae knows, he knows, he's seen enough bad cop shows to know what happens when this goes wrong. But it's worse because of their jobs. It's worse because of who they are and what they do and the fact that Youngjae could ruin Daehyun's career forever, if he messed up. That Daehyun could do the same to Youngjae. 

Maybe that's why it makes Youngjae shiver as he cracks his knuckles, loud in the darkness. He can't sleep and his skin feels itchy, too tight, stretched too thin over bones that won't yeild. He knows Daehyun feels the same way. It's how they started the game, after all. 

"Me first," Daehyun whispers. Their knees are touching. His breath is hot against Youngjae's cheek and they can't see each other but Youngjae nods anyway. 

The trick is to keep going, Youngjae thinks, as he places his fingers just below Daehyun's jawline. The trick is not to pull away, even when it seems like you _have_ to. When he feels the frantic pulse of Daehyun's heart underneath his thumb and knows, with utter certainty, how long Daehyun has left. 

Youngjae has small hands. Sometimes he has to use two, but tonight he just rests one hand over Daehyun's trachea, above his Adam's apple and his voicebox, and presses in, slowly and carefully. He feels Daehyun take a deep breath and then Youngjae starts counting--one, two, three...

Three minutes is the maximum, but they've never gone that far. Daehyun's never made it past a minute, which Youngjae secretly finds comforting. It's one thing to whisper in the dark and put this much trust in each other's hands; it's another to accidentally kill your best friend because you choked him to death. 

Youngjae's hand is firm around Daehyun's neck. Daehyun whimpers at fourty-two, and at fifty-nine Daehyun is pushing forward, ripping Youngjae's hand away from his neck and smashing their mouths together. His chest is heaving. Youngjae closes his eyes and cradle's Daehyun's head in both hands as Daehyun kisses him fiercely. 

This is the only time they do this. They are not dating, they are not together, they are nothing more than friends except on certain nights in the dark, when drinking in air tastes like fine wine and it tastes even better from someone else's mouth. 

"Good?" Youngjae murmurs, as Daehyun's frantic pace slows to a more leisurely crawl. This is the part that always sends heat rushing down Youngjae's spine. The part where Daehyun forgets, and kisses him like a lover. Not a friend. 

"So good," Daehyun whispers, and Youngjae can feel his smile against his own mouth. He licks over Daehyun's full bottom lip, biting down. Daehyun sighs and shivers, returning the favor. 

"Your turn," Daehyun says, eventually. He sounds almost reluctant as he breaks the kiss, but all Youngjae can feel is anticipation. It's his turn to fly up among the stars. 

 

 

II.

Daehyun has nice hands, even though Youngjae can't see them. He knows what they look like--stares at them during practice, sometimes, until he's caught and has to laugh it off under Daehyun's knowing gaze. Youngjae would feel more embarrassed, but Daehyun does the same thing. Youngjae's hands are delicate and unimpressive but Daehyun must find something fascinating there, because he'll stare until Youngjae kicks him under the table to remind him to pay attention. 

"Ready?" Daehyun whispers, against his mouth. He strokes his thumb over Youngjae's Adam's apple. 

Youngjae swallows. Nods. Yes, he's ready. 

He sucks in as much air as he can, filling not only his lungs but his stomach. They both know how to maximize their air intake; they're both practiced at circular breathing and spacing out notes but even then, there is only so much air that Youngjae's lungs can hold. There is always a limit. 

Daehyun's hands close around his throat and he's using two hands this time, thumbs overlapping gently underneath Youngjae's chin. 

Youngjae closes his eyes, and listens as the numbers go higher. At twenty-seven, he wants to breathe; at thirty-five, his lungs are burning. At fifty he hits that sweet surge of euphoria. It's something like floating and desperation mixed up together. A rush of sparks behind his eyelids and a throb in his stomach and at sixty-nine he stands on the precipice and looks down. 

Seventy. Seventy-one.

Youngjae rips Daehyun's hands from his throat but Daehyun is ready, mouth slick and wet as Youngjae gasps and tries not to pass out. He sucks in air greedily--through his nose, through Daehyun's mouth. He's hyperventilating. Daehyun is kissing him firmly, one hand in his hair and one hand pressed against his lower back. Youngjae dimly registers that this is new. Daehyun has always kept his distance before. 

"Breathe," Daehyun whispers, his fingers trailing over Youngjae's cheekbones, the curve of his ear. "Breathe from my mouth, it's okay, it's okay." 

"I'm fine," Youngjae says, or tries to say. The words come out choked and he knows he isn't fine, not really. He's breathing but he's not getting enough air. 

"Jae," Daehyun says, and then he's pushing Youngjae backwards, gently, laying them both down on the couch. Daehyun rolls so that he's on the inside, fitting his smaller body next to Youngjae's. "Just follow me, okay? Just--please, breathe when I breathe--" 

Youngjae can hear the crack of fear in Daehyun's voice, and he tries to focus. Their chests are pressed together and Daehyun's hand is still warm in the small of Youngjae's back, holding him in place. Daehyun himself is warm. Familiar. 

Safe. 

Youngjae licks his lips. Daehyun's breath is hot against his mouth, but they're not kissing. Just breathing. Just--together. 

"I'm okay," Youngjae whispers. Daehyun makes a soft noise in his throat, holding on tighter.

"Don't lie to me," he says. His voice is shaky around the edges. He sounds like he's about to start hyperventilating. "Don't lie to me, asshole, if you're lying to me--"

Youngjae barks out a laugh, and then remembers that it's 3am and they're supposed to be quiet. 

"Don't call me an asshole and I won't lie to you," Youngjae says, grinning. Adrenaline is pumping through his veins. He thinks that's the highest he's ever gotten. It feels like he's broken through to the other side, like he's run a race and come out victorious. 

Daehyun kisses him, pulling him close and fisting one hand in Youngjae's hair. Youngjae makes a surprised noise into his mouth. This isn't part of the game. They should be laughing by now, noses pressed together. Maybe fingers linked, if Youngjae is lucky. 

Daehyun runs his tongue softly over the seam of Youngjae's lips, into his mouth, like he's checking to make sure Youngjae really is fine. Youngjae brushes his fingers over the back of Daehyun's neck. 

"You scared me," Daehyun breathes out. He moves his mouth lower, lapping at the curve of Youngjae's neck. Youngjae tips his head back. He can feel the way his pulse throbs with every rush of new heat from Daehyun's mouth. It's intoxicating. 

"I'm sorry," Youngjae says. 

"Don't do that to me."

"I won't, I--"

"Please," Daehyun says, biting down. Youngjae whimpers. His hips stutter forward before he can help himself. He can feel himself flushing but Daehyun just groans softly into his skin. Youngjae realizes with a jolt of surprise that he's not the only one who's hard. 

"Dae," Youngjae says, pulling away from the heat of Daehyun's mouth. This is--this is new. This is different and desperate and Youngjae needs to know what's going on, right now, before he does something that they'll both regret. "Dae, what are you doing?" 

Daehyun rests their foreheads together. "You scared me," he says quietly. "I didn't mean to--I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I know it's wrong, this whole thing is wrong, it's--"

"Hey." Youngjae covers Daehyun's mouth with his palm, quieting the excuses tumbling out of Daehyun's mouth. "I didn't mean it like that. I don't...think it's wrong," Youngjae says slowly, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. "Do you see me running away?"

Daehyun says something under Youngjae's palm. Youngjae pulls his hand away, so he can hear properly. 

"I'm not supposed to want someone like you." 

Youngjae bites his lip. 

"I'm not supposed to like it when you choke me," he says, the words coming out a little more hysterical than he intends. "What's your point?"

"I don't know," Dae says. "I don't even know anymore, I just--"

"It's okay," Youngjae says, tipping his chin up so he can kiss Daehyun again. He runs his hand down the side of Daehyun's body, resting it lightly on his hip. A test. A question. 

There's a long, long moment, frozen in time. Then Daehyun slowly reaches down, covering Youngjae's hand with his own. 

"Don't tell the others," he says quietly. "I think I can handle it if we just--don't tell." 

_It's already a secret_ , Youngjae intends to say, but what actually comes out is-- "We're already a secret. It's okay." He kisses Daehyun hesitantly, testing the waters. 

Youngjae can feel the exact moment when Daehyun gives in, when he stops holding himself so tight and tense and just lets everything out. Everything in his body relaxes and he pulls Youngjae towards him, fitting their bodies together, slipping one leg in between Youngjae's own. Youngjae swears, using his hand on Daehyun's waist to roll their hips together. 

"Breathe from my mouth," Youngjae whispers, taking the lead. Daehyun is a man of his word; he doesn't make promises lightly. Youngjae trusts that it's all going to be okay. Somehow.

"I already do," Daehyun murmurs, passing the air between their mouths like water, like smoke. They'll run out of oxygen eventually. Youngjae knows they'll have to pull away from each other and start all over again, but each new hit of air will better than the last. Each kiss will build the shiver in his veins and the heat under his skin until they're falling into each other in the darkness.

"I know," Youngjae whispers, something soft and certain clicking into place. He brushes Daehyun's hair away from his forehead and continues kissing him gently, waiting for the starbursts behind his eyelids to flame.


End file.
